Blue Raspberry Lemonade?

We all have our favorite flavors of this and that…breakfast cereals, ice cream, chewing gum, and even alcoholic beverages. I don’t know where and when it happened, but it’s a bit overwhelming when you get down to it. During my college years, it seems like your primary beer choices were something like Bud, Busch, Bud Light, and Coors Light. (Busch Light was an innovation then. For some reason, it didn’t seem like plain old Coors was on the radar.) In any event, things have definitely changed.

A few years ago, I had a part-time job working at the local stadium where our Major League Soccer Team plays. I worked in the warehouse and we had a room full of liquor which was kept under lock and key. One time I was sent to get a bottle of Vodka. I had an epiphany when I saw shelves full of different brands like Smirnoff, Svedka, Absolut, and Tito’s. It’s not so much that the choice of BRANDS was overwhelming, but they each had AT LEAST A DOZEN FLAVORED CHOICES: orange, strawberry, watermelon, raspberry, green apple, peppermint, peach, pineapple, whipped cream, caramel, cherry, and blueberry. The only appropriate tribute song I can think of is “Tutti Frutti” by Little Richard.

By the way, Smirnoff has a “Blue Raspberry Lemonade” flavor. I’m not kidding. Who exactly thought of that? I’ve never tried it, but it just seems a little too specific to me. Was it a scientist locked in a secret underground Eastern European laboratory….was it the CEO’s daughter-in-law…or an overpaid marketing moron? Also, what exactly is “citrus” flavor versus orange, lemon-lime, or pineapple? Shouldn’t lemon and lime be offered as separate flavors just in case the options aren’t diverse enough as is? If you’d rather avoid the whole tropical citrus thing, you might sleep better tonight knowing there is “Hard Truth Cinnamon Vodka.” Sounds like a good excuse to play Neil Young and Crazy Horse’s “Cinnamon Girl.”

Again, I’ve never tried it, but it’s out there. There’s also an Australian company called Newy Distillery which sells a Banana Vodka. I didn’t know Australia was known for its bananas, but maybe kangaroos carry them around — you know, their joeys leave the pouch and then they’re in the mood to drink, right? Or maybe they just do an Uber kind of thing with wayward chimpanzees? In addition, I didn’t know Australia was known for chimps. I don’t really even seek out Vodka as a drink, but I actually have some Burnett’s Vanilla Vodka. How did this happen?

Shifting from Vodka to beer, when did “Summer Shandy” become a thing? I’d love to put a couple of current 21-year-olds in a time machine and send them to a 1980s college party. I think they’d be in for some puzzled looks when they request any drink with tapioca in it.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!