Category: Hater

Chiefs…Schmeefs

We’re fast approaching another “Red Friday” in Kansas City and I, for one, could give a shit less. It’s true. I know I’m in “Chiefs Kingdom”, but I just don’t care about this chapter of NFL football. I’m not a pep rally, bandwagon, do what’s popular kind of guy. I can’t wait for the football season to be over — the sooner the better.

I heard a radio news story which puts The Chiefs’ local economic impact at somewhere close to one BILLION dollars; however, the whole thing is just completely out of control. You have your Chiefs t-shirts, hats, hoodies, scarves, mugs, etc. Then there’s Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift…but wait, there’s more!

A recent TV news story’s focus was about a replica of Arrowhead Stadium made completely out of cake. Earth shattering. I have already seen plenty of stories about Chiefs themed cookies and donuts — usually modeled after a headband-adorned Patrick Mahomes and headgear/ball cap wearing Andy Reid. In my opinion, “It’s All Too Much.”

I’m not sure when the trend of NFL player pastries became a thing, but I missed it. Also, if that doesn’t make you nauseous, there was even a Hallmark movie called “Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story.” Barf. And, did I mention Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift??

Let’s not forget that outgoing former Missouri Governor Mike Parson was such a big Chiefs fan, he commuted the DWI sentence of Britt Reid — he’s the ex-Chiefs coach/son of Andy Reid who maimed a young girl near the real Arrowhead Stadium. In a separate incident, Jackson Mahomes (Patrick’s brother) was charged with 3 counts of aggravated sexual battery; however, those charges were all dropped.

By the way, Patrick Mahomes now has 3 kids who are named something like Sterling, Golden, and Bronze. If he has more children, I’m hoping they’ll be named Frankincense and Myrrh. Myrrh Mahomes has a nice ring to it. Wait a minute, maybe they could name one Super Bowl Ring! Also, how about this “things are rough all over” news story. T-shirt vendors are upset about the inability to create “3-peat” t-shirts due to copyright issues. Wait a minute….that’s what they should have named their third child!

In all honesty, Patrick Mahomes has reached levels of athletic greatness and he seems to conduct himself well off the field. I absolutely give him credit for that. Same for Andy Reid. I just don’t want to sit and watch the 3 films about them and the ensuing 3 prequels. Oh, and over 30 people were injured during last year’s Chiefs’ Super Bowl parade shooting. What was the economic impact of that event?

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Pandora’s Broken Box

First of all, I’m a music lover. I listen to it, I collect, and I even play it sometimes. About ten years ago, a younger, hipper co-worker of mine suggested I try the music streaming internet radio entity called “Pandora.” I’d heard of it, but never checked it out. His description of Pandora was you tell it what you like to listen to and then it makes recommendations based on your taste preferences. Here’s the short version of what I experienced:

Me: I like The Beatles.

Pandora: You like The Beatles, you must like Herman’s Hermits.

Me: Not really. Let’s try again….I like The Rolling Stones.

Pandora: You like The Rolling Stones, you must like Herman’s Hermits.

Me: (OK, like I said, I don’t LIKE Herman’s Hermits…this is getting annoying)…I like The Who.

Pandora: You like The Who, you must like Herman’s Hermits.

Me: I DON’T LIKE Herman’s Hermits! Is this thing stuck on British Invasion bands or what? I was going to mention The Animals and The Kinks, but I’ll try a band outside of that category.

Me: I like Social Distortion.

Pandora: You like Social Distortion, you must like Herman’s Hermits

Me: How the hell can you compare The Who and Social Distortion to Herman’s Hermits?! Are you on crack or something? The Who’s sound is loud and angry. Social Distortion’s sound is DARK, LOUD, AND ANGRY. Nihilistic. Do you think either one of those bands would record some bubble gum song like “I’m Into Something Good”? Does the album “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell” sound like something Herman’s Hermits would record? No, it doesn’t!! I don’t remember hearing “Lonely weekends, lonely nights – the judge he gave me 99 To Life” on a Herman’s Hermits’ 45 RPM. Furthermore, what do Peter Noone (Herman’s Hermits) and Mike Ness (Social Distortion) have in common? Nothing — you’d better shut up before I kick you in the recommendation box, Pandora!

Whew….OK….so that was my experience with Pandora.

It’s my understanding it works off an “algorithm”. Maybe that’s my problem — my mathematical education stopped with a “D” in Algebra II. Or maybe people just like to throw around the four-syllable word “al-go-ri-thm” in tea time conversation while they raise their pinkies. My REAL problem with Pandora is you and me (i.e. the listeners) never get to pick one single song you want to hear. The idea behind it is, in theory, a good one, but it didn’t work for me.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I put Pandora in the same category as those retail store “discount cards”. Do you think they really WANT to give you a discount? Of course they don’t. They want to track your buying habits and set prices accordingly. Pandora, ultimately, wants to “recommend” artists you haven’t heard so you’ll BUY THEIR MUSIC.

Are there die-hard music fans like me who feel the same way? If it’s just me, I can live with that. For me, I WILL NOT let some computer algorithm thing tell me or even SUGGEST to me what I like. I will take the juke box over Pandora any day.

The only way to settle my long-standing dispute with Pandora is for Social Distortion to record a punk rock version of “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter.”

Till next time, keep thinking for yourself and keep your Mojo on the Horizon!