Here Be…Serpents of the Sea?

When I saw a series called “World War Weird” available on the free streaming network Tubi, I had to check it out. The first episode is a great one. I don’t think the rest of them did a lot for me.

In any event, Season One Episode One focuses on a couple of weird, if not amazing, tales from World War I. The first story focuses on the British cargo ship SS Iberian. It was torpedoed by a German U-boat in 1915, but that’s not the wild part. Supposedly, the direct hit awakened a large creature from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean. A couple of years later, a similar incident was reported with a different ship, Royal Navy convoy sloop HMS Coreoposis. Apparently, they came upon a U-boat crew which was standing on deck of its normally underwater vessel. The U-boat commander told them they were attacked by some giant creature from the depths.

I racked my brain for an appropriate sea serpent tune, but couldn’t find one so I’m posting a version of the traditional folk song “The Water is Wide” by Felix Pappalardi.

I also found another version by Rory Block.

As for the sea serpent stories, no one really knows what happened. Are they true stories or just maritime tall tales? Personally, I don’t care. I feel the value of the stories outweighs whether they’re truth, fiction, or something in between the two. I think part of the appeal is the mystery of deep seas and oceans. Could some enormous thing stay hidden there for half a billion years? I suppose it’s possible.

I briefly looked on Amazon and found a couple of related books: “Sea Monsters on Medieval and Renaissance Maps” by Chet Van Duzer and “The Field Guide to Lake Monsters, Sea Serpents, and Other Mystery Denizens of the Deep” by cryptozoology guru Loren Coleman. If nothing else, I’m sure the graphics and artwork will be awesome. I’ll bet there are some great stories in there, too.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Icarus, Maiden, & the Minotaur?

I don’t know why, but it seems like when I was a kid, my classes ended up reading excerpts of the same stories. Huck Finn is a big story in Missouri…then there was To Kill a Mockingbird…and then the story of Theseus & the Minotaur. My attitude towards the latter was, “Yeah, yeah, bull-headed dude, maze, smart guy with a string.” Did I miss anything? Apparently I did.

Recently, I watched an episode of “Great Greek Myths” on the FreeVee streaming network. Season 1, Episode 9 is entitled “Dedalus and Icarus.” If you’re confused, don’t be. I didn’t remember reading anything about Icarus in the multiple readings of Theseus & the Minotaur, but apparently, he was stuck in the aforementioned maze or labyrinth. British heavy metal band Iron Maiden paid tribute with a song called “Flight of Icarus.” (There is a great WAILING high note at the end of the song.)

MTV gave this song some airplay. The visual effects are fairly cheesy, but whatever…it was the 80s.

Getting back to the program, I don’t remember any tie in to Icarus with the whole minotaur thing. Apparently, his father whipped up some wings so he could fly out of the labyrinth, but there was some wax involved. As Icarus flew too close to the sun, the wax melted and Icarus fell into what’s known as the Icarian Sea. Tragic, huh? Then there’s a whole other thing about how the minotaur came to be which is pretty freaky.

Apparently, this was a French TV production because it’s listed on imdb.com as Les Grand Mythes. It was directed by Francois Busnel. There are about 40 episodes to choose from and they offer some stunning visual animation.

By the way, “Flight of Icarus” was written by Maiden’s Adrian Smith and wailing lead singer Bruce Dickinson. Perhaps someone should do a modern version of the whole thing and Theseus and Icarus can escape by playing the song at maximum volume. That should take care of the labyrinth and the minotaur. AAAAAaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Assassinating Jesse James

I can honestly say I’ve never seen another film like “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” — and it’s not just because of the monosyllabic title. It’s a truly unique film. I’m familiar with the story of the James-Younger Gang not only because I live in Missouri, but also because of other films on the same subject. More on that later.

This 2007 film was written and directed by Andrew Dominik and stars former Missouri resident Brad Pitt as the gregarious but ruthless Jesse James and Casey Affleck as the creeptastic, sniveling Robert Ford. I would describe the film as dark, serious and, visually striking. As you might expect, there is violence, but it’s not just a shoot ’em up Western. The film’s soundtrack definitely contributes to the dark mood thanks to songs like Nick Cave & Warren Ellis’ “Song For Jesse.”

For those of you hoping Ben Affleck plays Bob’s older brother Charley Ford, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. However, Sam Rockwell injects some humor into the character. Paul Schneider is a standout as the poetic womanizing gang member Dick Liddil. Gang members Wood Hite and Frank James (Jesse’s brother) are played by the late Sam Shephard and Jeremy Renner, respectively.

A big piece of the film is the relationship between Jesse James and the Ford family, Bob Ford specifically. The scenes with Affleck and Pitt are good ones. Ford is portrayed as a young Jesse James fanboy while James is the alpha male of the gang. It’s not all black and white, though, as both have strengths and weaknesses. Sideline aspects of the story include gang related murders , cover ups, and revenge motives. That’s something you don’t really see in Walter Hill’s “The Long Riders”, which is one of my favorite films. “The Long Riders” also gives more attention to the Younger family, which this film doesn’t.

As for general cinematography, the film captures some great visuals of a nighttime train robbery and another of riding across a snow covered prairie on horseback.

This is not a film for everyone, but it is a great one as well as a long one at 2:40. It’s based on a book of the same title by Ron Hansen.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Duck, Duck, Goose Giving?

A couple of years ago, I had a conversation with a co-worker about Thanksgiving holiday meals and traditions. To my surprise, he brought up a term I had not previously heard: TURDUCKEN. How would one define and and use in a sentence?

I was late to work because my car needs a new turducken.
Turducken is one of my favorite speed metal bands.
Coming this Fall…Amityville Horror – The Turducken.
His lack of goal scoring him landed him back on the farm team in Turducken.
Her favorite Egyptian god was the three headed Turducken.

Still confused? It turns out, it’s a meal. According to the always reliable Wikipedia, “Turducken is a dish consisting of a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck, further stuffed into a deboned turkey“. I guess if you don’t like regular stuffing, you just grab as many birds as you can and keep stuffing them one into another. Perhaps, Weird Al Yankovic could work his magic with the music of Deep Purple’s Space Truckin’ by replacing it with Turducken? I think would be a nice tribute.

Oh, and it really hasn’t gotten as weird as it can be. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken . Apparently, this is a term only used in North America. If you opt for goose instead of turkey, then you have “Gooducken.” That opens up a whole bunch of other culinary questions for me. I mean, why limit yourself to only stuffed birds… Couldn’t people in Florida use alligator? Would that be a Gatorducken or a Turduck-i-gator? And what if you prefer the taste of ham or beef? Surely, one could stuff Spam into any or all of the aforementioned options. Let’s face it, not everyone has the time or patience to cook one bird let alone three. I need to know what my canned meat options would be here.

Furthermore, why haven’t any of the major chain restaurants hopped on this idea? Chick-Fil-A or KFC seem like they would have an advantage with the chicken part, but I thought Taco Bell has done things like a taco stuffed into a burrito. Maybe I’m wrong, but will Americans consider ditching their preference for pumpkin spice this, that, and the other? McDonald’s could do a limited time offer like the McRib.

I’d love to say more, but I have to go kill three birds with one stone, then stuff them all.

Viva, Turducken!

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Sunflower Ammo-Sonic Plant?

I don’t usually blog about current events, but this one struck a chord with me. A major electronics corporation is breaking ground on a new electric vehicle battery plant in the all-American small town of DeSoto, Kansas. The population there is five thousand plus. So why do I mention this? To paraphrase Austin Powers, I would have to say jobs and the economy “aren’t my bag, Baby.” However, what I find really interesting about this whole deal is the LOCATION of the new plant.

During one stretch of the horrible economy circa. 2008-2011, I lived in close proximity to the defunct Sunflower Army Ammo Plant which is, apparently, where the new plant is being built. I had never heard of the plant until lived in that area, but it was something to see. The best way I can describe it is like something out of a comic book or a sci-fi story. Lots of land, HUGE abandoned buildings, and no trespassing signs posted everywhere. Yes, it was a functioning ammunition plant during WWII and the Korean War. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunflower_Army_Ammunition_Plant .

To give this an extremely loose tie-in to my usual “bag” of music, I’m including the Bo Diddley-ish highway song “285 DeSoto” by The Homestead Grays. They were a very popular band based in nearby Lawrence, KS during my college years.

Getting back to the abandoned ammo plant, the grounds were really something to see. I always felt compelled to hop the fence and really take a closer look at the big, broken down buildings. However, a local guy told me nobody really knows what’s buried there…chemical waste, asbestos, ammo manufacturing parts, etc. so I never ventured past the fence. (If you’ve ever heard the story of the Mothman of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, I picture the T.N.T. area from that story looking similar. It would be a perfect place for the creation of a cryptid or superhero depending on your preference.) The same local guy told me there had been BIG plans to turn the area into an amusement park, but that never happened. No roller coaster rides on The Ammo Express? What a Bummer.

Another interesting aesthetic about the ammo plant is the four water towers which you can see from nearby. (These, on the other hand, reminded me of the scarecrows in the original “Planet of the Apes” movie. You know, the ones guarding “the Forbidden Zone”?) I don’t know. Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but it’s not every day you see a large scale abandoned facility. There’s something fascinating about it to me. It’s mysterious — kind of like where I put all of my photos I took near the plant.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Guitar Envy

So many guitars….so little time. Yes, I am an aspiring guitar player. I’d like to think I’m at the intermediate level. Of course that doesn’t stop me from daydreaming about having a sort of Excalibur moment — you know, pulling THE guitar for me from a stone, anvil, or maybe even a backwoods swamp somewhere. One guitar which has always piqued my interest is the Michael Kelly Hybrid. (There’s also a Hybrid Special.)

I remember walking into a locally owned guitar shop in my area and thinking, “Wow, I have never seen a guitar that looks like this one.” The first one I saw had a natural almost creamy finish to it and it looked LUSCIOUS. Kudos to whoever designed this one. It looks the way it sounds.

So what is a hybrid guitar? Basically, it’s like a 2 for 1. You can get acoustic sounds and electric sounds from the same guitar. You can also blend the two sounds as well. If you are slightly indecisive (like me), you are covered either way. Michael Kelly still manufactures the Hybrid Special, which costs a bit more than the Hybrid. Unfortunately, the same exact creamy finish is no longer available and spalted maple doesn’t do it for me. Oh well, it just adds to the Moby Dick-like quality of the creamy one.

I’ve seen used Michael Kelly Hybrids priced around $400. Considering it’s really like getting two guitars in one, that is pretty reasonable.

Another guitar concept I’ve thought about a lot is the visually reactive one. There are lots of variations on this theme: thermochromic paint (reacts to temperature), LED pickups, LED guitar necks, Firefly guitar picks, etc. There is a company called Visionary Instruments which offers several different electric guitars along these lines.

I haven’t priced any of their custom instruments, but I don’t think I’ll be buying one soon. Still, the idea is fascinating. Will there ever be one guitar to rule them all? I doubt it. I could go on and on about preferred brands, necks, etc. I think part of the fun is seeing what other design and sound ideas can be developed.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Halloween Battle Royal

Do you have a Halloween tradition that doesn’t include getting your kid’s candy X-rayed at the hospital? It’s a holiday that seems to have had its ups and downs over the years. Personally, I’m not really into horror or slasher films, but I do have a Halloween film recommendation. “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” is a pretty safe bet. Apparently Universal Studio had the comedy duo under contract along with many classic monster-actors like Bela Lugosi (Dracula), Lon Chaney, Jr. (Wolfman), and more. I watched it recently and have to say Lou Costello’s comedic timing was pretty amazing.

While surfing YouTube, I also happened to find two 1970s TV specials involving the band KISS. The first was “The Paul Lynde Halloween Special”, which was your classic variety show format — plus, a pretty talented cast including Tin Conway, Florence Henderson, Margaret Hamilton (The Wicked Witch of the West), and the gal who played Pinky Tuscadero on Happy Days. Even Donnie and Marie Osmond showed up for this thing.

The second was the 1978 cult classic “KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.” Words won’t really to this cheesy thing justice. It’s basically like a hard rock band in a Scooby-Doo plot. Naturally, it’s set in an amusement park. There are fights with robots, fights with KISS doppelgangers, and plenty of 70s styled special effects. Oh yeah, there’s also some music in it, too.

Do you have a favorite Halloween TV show? Which memorable Halloween costume was your favorite? One year I wore a Boston Bruins hockey jersey (AKA sweater), blacked out my front teeth, and carried a hockey stick as I went trick or treating with my buddy and his little brother. One guy actually identified me as Bobby Orr. (I guess it was open to interpretation.)

So what about next Halloween? There are some other shows and films I’ve got on my list. This year I found out there is one called “Halloween Is Grinch Night.” Somehow that seems appropriate. The most important question…of all the celebrities I mentioned. …who would win in a wrestling battle royal? I’d put my money on Ace Frehley.

Till next time, Keep Your Mojo on the Horizon.

The Great Checkout Divide

I should preface this with an observation from one of my co-workers years ago. She told me, “You don’t do stupid very well.” During today’s lunchtime run to the big box department store, I proved her right – again. I rushed through the store to grab a few of the essentials — 2 boxes of decongestant, a large Rice Krispies treat, and a couple of Mountain Dews. (By the way, what’s the difference between Diet Mountain Dew and Zero Sugar Mountain Dew??)

I should mention that my cubicle-intensive job allows me an illustrious 30 minute lunch break. Also, I park in a garage which takes 5 minutes on the front end and 5 minutes on the back end of every lunch break so it’s a fairly tight deadline. In any event, I had several items and little time to spare. Then came that all-so-important decision: which checkout lane do I choose? Sometimes you can get a good read on how the lines are moving. Today, the self-scan was packed and I thought I’d be better off with an actual cashier. I was wrong.

The woman in line ahead of me had several items so I plopped down the divider onto the conveyor belt separating her items from mine. I glanced at my cell phone for a second, and then I heard the cashier’s voice. The exchange went something like this:

Cashier: OK,…so…now which of these are hers and which of these are yours?

Author: The stuff behind THIS (grabbing the divider) is mine.

Holy Shit! I felt like Elaine Benes explaining what The Big Salad is. “It’s a salad, only bigger, with lots of stuff in it.” Does anyone wonder WHY we have self-scan checkout? I mean the questions then become, “Are the big box stores training cashiers on divider etiquette? Should they really have to do that?” It seems pretty cut and dry to me, but, apparently, it isn’t. In honor of today’s cashier, I am including the Kate Wolf tune “Across the Great Divide.”

Perhaps the plastic or wooden divider just doesn’t come out and “say” divider to her. Here’s a suggestion to remedy the situation. Why don’t the big box stores consider implementing models of historically significant walls and borders to increase awareness about the whole “divide” thing? The Great Wall of China, The Berlin Wall, Hadrian’s Wall. Collect ’em all!! Davy Knowles says “Tear Down the Walls.”

I also thought about a scene from the original “Planet of the Apes” movie where viewers see makeshift scarecrows guarding an area called “the forbidden zone.” Maybe those would make good conveyer belt dividers?

One final suggestion. The big box stores should fasten together a couple of the dividers with a chain in the middle. During training, anyone who fails to get the general idea of the divider concept will have to run a gauntlet of makeshift nunchakus (nunchucks). That or a funoodle. I would apply for the training job in a heartbeat.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Futuristic Groceries & Delivery

Have the machines taken over? “The Terminator” film series may have hinted at things to come. It portrays a world where, basically, machines/robots/artificial intelligence start to think for themselves and run things their way. “They have assumed control” to paraphrase the finale of Rush’s 2112 album.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to study this issue, but it does make me think about “the big picture”. For example, years ago, grocery store “baggers ” used to manually corral and round up the shopping carts from the parking lot. Some still do, but many stores use a machine to assist with this process now. I call it the “The Cart Droid”, but have no idea what it’s actually called. I assume the droid is an efficient way to get the job done. Another “innovation” is the use of walkie talkies in grocery and department stores. Does that seem like a bit much to anyone else or is it just me? Who had the idea to implement Secret Service tactics into your average big box discount store? “Clean up in Aisle Seven. This is not a drill. I repeat: this is NOT a drill!” Nowadays, there’s also some sort of inventory robot you might see roaming the aisles from time to time. (It looks sort of light Kmart’s original blue light special on steroids.)

What brought some of this to mind is a recent article about Amazon getting approval for using delivery drones. I’m just thinking it’s basically impossible to regulate drones to begin with, let alone when they are delivering boxes to every other house on the block. The next question is, will the thieving porch pirates have to register their drones as well or will they just use “stealth drones” to pillage and plunder. Arrrrghh, matey! Maybe there are drones with battle rams on them already or a supersized drone which will just swallow the smaller delivery drone in its jaws? Will the drones have cameras? (I don’t want give anyone unnecessary ideas, but I’m thinking a teenager with a Roman Candle could throw a pretty big monkey wrench into the whole concept of drone delivery. ) Which is worse? Delivery drones with or without cameras? It’s a tough call.

Just to clarify, I’m really not opposed to technology, but it’s hard to keep up. Another thing…much of these technological advances are all being fueled by our disdain for grocery shopping (myself included.) That raises other questions….Will Aldi participate? Because if they do, will you still have to put a quarter in the slot to release the delivery drone? I’m picturing this…in the next ten years, grocery carts will be replaced by something similar to the light cycles from the film Tron.

Maybe someone will invent light cycle roller skates? That would offer the familiarity of actually going down the aisles with the futuristic technology as well. There HAS to be a combination high tech roller derby arena and grocery store for this scenario, right?

My only request is, whatever scenario plays out in my favorite big box stores, please make sure to include GPS with it. I’d be lost without it.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!

Wizard of Blaaahs

Picture this. It’s mid-nineties, yours truly is browsing the vinyl selection at Record Reunion….then some guy (who looks like Jay or Silent Bob with long hair and resplendent backwards baseball cap) strikes up a random conversation.

Unidentified Dude: Hey, dude, did you hear about that new Pink Floyd thing?

Author: Ummm….no?

UD.: Dude, where have you been? It’s all over the news!

Author: What is?

UD: Get this…Dark Side of the Moon, man….it’s a secret soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz!

Author: Yeah, right – – and the album Wish You Were Here is one for Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory.

UD: (staring coldly) Whoa….seriously??

Smart ass comment aside, there really was an urban legend that surfaced about syncing The Floyd’s epic, mega-platinum-album and the film with the flying monkeys. Supposedly, you started the album at the MGM lion’s third roar and there were all of these crazy coincidences that took place between the music and the movie. I watched about 20 minutes of this today (thanks, COVID!) and was pretty underwhelmed. Maybe being sober while watching it was my mistake.

It’s a pretty wild idea. Apparently a newspaper writer in Indiana gets credit for this urban legend. Supposedly the song “Brain Damage” goes nicely with Dorothy’s chance meeting with the Scarecrow.

According to Wikipedia, this Floyd-Oz sync is referred to as “Dark Side of the Rainbow – also known as Dark Side of Oz or The Wizard of Floyd.” The whole idea is kind of crazy if you ask me, but that’s what makes it an interesting topic of discussion. Apparently, a guy named Griffin McElRoy spoofed the whole thing by supposedly doing a sync between the album and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Give the guy some credit!

Oz or no-Oz, my favorite cut on Dark Side of the Moon is “Time.” I think the lyrics are great and the guitar playing of David Gilmour is great. The bass intro is fantastic as well. It’s epic.

I think the alarm clock beginning to the song is pretty clever/unique, but it seems to overshadow the song itself. One time I heard a guitar player say “That’s a special effects song”. Is it, really? I think an acoustic or more stripped down version would still work.

Back to the whole Oz thing…is this what happens when your art reaches THAT LEVEL of mainstream popularity? If that’s the case, then the Paul Blart guy may be onto something. How come none of the five-thousand Star Wars films have made the list? Surely, Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumours” has to sync with Princess Leia and Han Solo, right? Or what about Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara? I’d like to say more, but I’ve got to sync The Beach Boys’ “Pet Sounds” with Rikki-Tikki-Tavi.

Till next time, keep your Mojo on the Horizon!